Adam Chapman

A New Transfer Deadline Day

The 31st of January, not only is it my beloved sister’s birthday but ever since the 2002-2003 football season it’s also indicated the end of the winter transfer window for British clubs.

Transfer deadline day, as it’s come to be known, is one of the most exciting days for football fans…unless you support Newcastle, then it’s a day where you probably end up spending more than your beloved Magpies.

Game-changing signings, costly mistakes, Jim White seeing you through the hellish drinking game, it’s got everything.

So what I’m asking is why does football get to have all the fun?

Let’s imagine a world in which every January everyone has the opportunity to be moved between companies. We all know January can be a depressing month, the effects of your Christmas spending starts to kick in and you’re really starting to rethink if this job really is for the “2018 you” so let’s spice things up a little.

Performed well at your job? Another company could be after your services with offers of higher pay, more employee of the month opportunities and chance to make an impact. If you’re trying to force your way out of your current position you could throw a strop like most premier league footballers and start to perform badly with a lack of enthusiasm, or pull a few sikies like that mysterious back injury Coutinho had at the start of the season that was absolutely not a thing.

Imagine the Twitter announcement videos between pubs showcasing their new bartenders. Artsy shots of beer being pull then a sudden face reveal and “Cheers!” from their new signing. Topman Manchester stealing the GM from their rival Topman in Liverpool  It’d really spice up the everyday mundanity of January.

Free agents (unemployed) could be called up to positions to see if they make an impact and be potential superstars at the local Greggs or shock signings when those with little experience in the political field start representing their country on a global scale (although I’m pretty sure that’s already happening)

Potential add-ons being the number of sales made, the number of Long Island Ice Tea’s sold or the number of mortgages agreed in a 4 month period adding to the excitement and incentives of new signings.

I personally can’t see anything wrong with this plan, everyone would get the feeling of being a commodity in demand and employers would be able to put their workplace philosophies into practice.

Sir Alan Sugar and Sir Richard Branson would be hailed in the same regards as Jose Mourinho and Sir Alex Ferguson with employees one day hoping to break into the big leagues and work under them. Work would become like a game, everyone having the decision between showing loyalty, becoming legends in their companies like Gerrard or Totti or mercenaries chasing the Yankee dollar like Alexis Sanchez or anyone who now plays in the Chinese Super League.

Maybe transfer deadline day is going to my head a bit, maybe the years of frustration being a Newcastle fan has finally made me snap or maybe, just maybe, I’m a genius*

*100% not a genius.