Adam Chapman

High Praise

Marijuana, weed, pot, cannabis, the devil’s lettuce, whatever you call it, you’re most likely familiar with it. I’m willing to bet that 99% of people have at one point or another come into contact with it. 

If you haven’t smoked it before, I’m sure you’ve caught a slight scent of it on the wind when walking around town, love it or loathe it, it’s pretty darn common in 2019. 

Cards on the table I don’t smoke it but I do believe it should be legalised. The benefits of doing so I believe outweigh the negatives, be that financial or just to stop that wanker in a pub being like “You do know it cures cancer right?”. Don’t be that guy, you never want to be that guy. If there is one thing I can’t stand about weed, it’s certain people who smoke it.

Of course as mentioned there, the first person we shall be covering is what I shall be calling “The Scientist”. The Scientist is the sort of person who wants you to know that they smoke weed purely for the medicinal benefits. From killing cancer to improving sperm count this little green herb can cure anything. Unbelievable right? Well yes, in fact it is. 

Now there is research that does suggest that elements of cannabis do indeed have an effect at killing certain cancers cells when they’re in certain states but to suggest it cures cancer, come on now. If it did then why would anyone be undergoing chemotherapy when they could just call up some 15 year old to swing round on his BMX and pick up a score for 20 quid. I’m sure I know which one sounds more enjoyable even if drugs deals are a bit awkward. 

When people spout this claim it’s normally without taking into account any other deviation. It, like most claims in the modern world, is a repeated soundbite, a headline written to grab readers attention without the need to actually read further.

I’m not for a second denying that there are medicinal benefits to cannabis. Indeed I myself have partaken in taking CBD oil (an active canniboid found in marijuana) to help with an ongoing anxiety issue. It seems to work for me, but I’m well aware it doesn’t work for others and can in fact have the opposite effect. Thus the way to phrase this would be “It works for me” not “It CURES anxiety attacks” because that is a straight up lie. 

Lets admit it, weed, for some people, is fun, it’s a way to relax and an enjoyable activity. It isn’t however the be all end all cure that’ll instantly fix the world if those darn pen pushers in the government weren’t such oppressive fuddy duddies. But hey I guess that why they got their doctorate from the university of pot, mastering in insane bong rips and I’ve merely got my one GCSE from Occasionally Dragged on a Joint “High” School. 

The second type of people are what I shall name “The Deniers”. The Deniers are people who refuse the suggestion that they might be a little too obsessed with weed. The sort of person who smokes it everyday but isn’t a stoner because stoners are in someway a level below them. 

I think I just find people who constantly speak about weed and how great it is as boring as people who believe they’re beer connoisseur or wine experts but are instead alcoholics in denial.

There’s no shame in admitting you enjoy a vice, everyone needs their vices they make life bearable there is a problem however when enjoyment becomes a lifestyle. A taster session of a chocolate stout is instantly converted into a drinking problem if this taster session is 5/6 pints a night. Just because it’s a microbrew or in this case a certain strain of weed doesn’t mean that overindulgence isn’t a problem. Everything in moderation children. 

The third and final type of person I want to call out are “The Social Smokers”. Now this isn’t the classic social smoker, the type who only smokes in the company of other people, no The Social Smoker (capitalised for effect) are the type of people who constantly claim that weed is a social drug. 

My god, this one is the worst of them all. Weed is not a social drug in my eyes. In my own personal experiences with weed people may pass a joint back and forth but upon feeling the effects instantly become less talkative only making noise when they laugh at some sub-par comedy. The only thing social about it is the exchanging of saliva, pretty gross when you think about it. 

I just don’t understand where it got this title from, if I were to constantly ask you to take a sip of my beer and then sit there in silence would that make it a social activity? In most likelihood it would be pretty disruptive to the flow of conversation. 

This can be applied to all types of activity, is having a bag of popcorn at the movies suddenly social if I offer you some? Is lending someone a fiver social? What about when someone pours themselves a glass of coke out of a two-litre bottle that I myself poured a glass from earlier? No it’s just part of the process, it doesn’t make it social. 

All in all I would like to suggest that if you smoke weed, that’s all well and good, you do you, just for the love of god don’t become one of these aforementioned people. 

If I were to score these types of people it would probably be a 4/20…see what I did there? Sorry I couldn’t end this article without slipping one more weed reference in there.