I’m not sure what to think about Halloween. It’s fun, sure, but it also gives some of the worst people the opportunity to just be awful. The uncreative, the controversial and the downright pointless, these people really are the worst of the worst.
The Guy Who Makes No Effort
If you’re going to do something, commit to it 100%. The classic phrase is go big or go home, not walk 5 minutes into a 10-minute walk and then hop into an Uber. It’s really not that hard to make at least an ounce of effort when it comes to Halloween. You’ll normally see these people either dressed pretty similar to how they normally dress claiming to be Joe Jonas or they’ve put on a slightly out there hat that they thought was cool when they were 14 and just happened to keep a hold of.
If either of those two can’t be found then they might be disguising themselves as someone who made an effort by drawing something on their face or a plain white t-shirt. I was guilty of this one year and it actually kinda ruined my night. Don’t do it guys, it’s once a year, pull your finger out.
The Inappropriate Sexy Outfit.
If Halloween has taught us anything over the years it’s that anything can be made “sexy” by just removing some of the fabric or making it skin tight. I can’t exactly say that I’ve ever wanted to fuck a cat or a minion (god I hate minions) but apparently, someone out there thinks you might. Donald Trump? nope, just don’t, no one needs to see that and it could make for some confusing thought patterns. Someone somewhere probably went to a party as a sexy ISIS member and you just got to ask yourself…WHY?!?!?!
The One Guy Who Always Goes As The Hulk
We get it bro, you lift. congrats on working on that chiselled body but didn’t you come as him last year? and the year before that and the year before that, pretty much every year since you hit puberty? All you need is green body paint and a pair of purple shorts and your yearly opportunity to flex is a given. This is kinda like the male option of the inappropriate sexy outfit, just as annoying. *
You know what, it’s the end of October, it’s autumn, it’s bloody freezing and I’m not lending you my jacket for you to get your shitty green paint all over
This anger isn’t fulled by the fact that I myself lack the body to ever pull this off.
The Outdated Meme
If I see anyone, and I mean ANYONE walking around in a pair of vans whilst their friends shout “daaaayum daniel” he was back at it with the white Vans but that was over a year ago, you missed the boat. A year is like a century in internet comedy and the meme is in no way throwback material. We all saw it, we had a laugh, but we’ve moved on and so should you.
The Trend Follower
Remember last year when every other girl (and a few guys) went as Suicide Squad Harley Quinn? I really should have invested in baseball bat and short-shorts stocks, I would have made a killing. This year it’s no doubt going to be Pennywise from IT. Come on people, don’t you know it’s embarrassing to bump into someone wearing the same outfit as you, didn’t high school teach you anything?
Be original, be creative, and don’t buy into the hype.
A fair warning for everyone out there. Have fun this Halloween, just don’t be THAT guy or girl.